Friday 5 November 2010

Mixed emotions - dreadful week

guilt is a terrible thing. Not visiting FIL especially as he had been ill. We didn't know, of course, as he never told us anything, never rang us and unfortunately we didn't ring him. I had said to DH to ring him as it was his birthday last week - did he - NO - and now he's dead and nothing we can do. I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness at his home, of lonliness and unhappiness. He longed for C to come back - but, of course, she never did - never would. his home was very run down, partly because he didn't have a heart to put into the home anymore and partly because he was ill. I keep crying - for that sadness. I stood at the top of the garden from his shed where he whiled away many many hours - a shed that was filled to the rafters with tools and nic-nacs, 3 of every tool you could ever imagine. I looked at his little home and felt that overwhelming sadness. How I wish we could turn back time. Why don't we ever learn.

RIP Jim, in our own way we will miss you. I wish we had spent more time with you.

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