Saturday, 15 September 2012

Real downer ............generally

Have overeaten and don't feel like going to SW - can't weigh myself as I know I have took me 7 weeks to lose 10lb's - reckon I've probably gained 3. Returning to SW next Saturday - will have a really good week back on plan. I hope. Leg - well it's still a problem. STILL do not know what is wrong with it - still no specialist appointment as Physio feels it's getting better. Went to doctors yesterday to be told have another month off ! I am hoping that it's enough. I enjoy being at home but when you have a bad leg you are limited to as to what you can do at home - have mixed feelings about going back - HAVE TO go back as I cannot afford to give up my job - very worried that my leg isn';t going to get any better than it is now - AND I won't be able to do my job. Worried that they'll not find me anything else and I'll lose my job entirely - would I ever get another job? I don't even know if I'm being paid for this time off - so worried about that too. Probably need to ring HR, but everything is feeling 'to difficult' to be bothered. DD's relationship seems to be on the rocks - he's too 'cowardly' to admit that he wants to split and keeps her hanging on - the shit (although I really liked this lad) is now saying he wants a break/space - for Gods sake - just put her out her misery - tell her what she already fears but is hanging on hoping that you really still want her. 'I love you Kozzy'. He has said 'you love me more than I love you' Shop isn't doing well. Hubbies job isn't doing too marvellously - but then none are any of the other salesmen. Life is seeming so hard. To cap it all - I got up today with the bad feelings I had the day I left my old house (I didn't want to leave that beautiful house) - recession forced us to sell-up. I am kinda happy here - but that overwhelming upset feeling I had the day I left my last house has been with me since I opened my eyes - even the smell in the air when I opened the doors this morning to let the cats out - our old house - the garden - the smell, the feeling all came flooding back. Yes I am on a real downer. Have said to DD we need to go out today and take the dog to the park, although I can't walk much at least he could have a bit of a run - then we could stop off maybe at morrisons for some lunch - do a bit of shopping like we used to before she got with her chap. I need to do something because I feel REAL DOWN. So unlike me - I usually can pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

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